The "B-side" level is a fruit of January-February, while the R&D for the meat of the package ranges from March-July. Now it's appropriate more than ever to express my gratitude towards everyone who's been developing these free tools (DxTre3D, PixStr, fexmerger, TRviewer, Rview, along with Metasequoia-converters) which have enlightened my pathetic little life beyond words. Can't remember when I came so close to love before. Also warm cheers to all my bazillion haters out there - you've made me understand the world better. Or to be precise, phrases such as "xenophobia", "anti-diversity" and "homogenization". Special thanks for BORISPYLLY on slight inspiration as well as IrfanView-advice.

~Drobridski
19th July 2021, 12:38 local time 





IMPORTANT NOTE: This is actually a pack of two non-connected scenarios; if you wish to access the long-awaited sequel on my award-winning Satan-series before assembling a proper lynch mob in the web as required, please refer to the "How to play"-section.





~STORY~ (Run of the Mill)

And everybody's favourite pseudo-archaeologist mused this would be one of her easy Sunday mornings. She was just strolling in the gardens, minding her own business, when certain Sophia Leigh - a ravishing young lady undergoing a midlife crisis - appeared straight out of the blue with her fancy-shmancy Einstein-Rosenbridge Wormhole Generator. As usual Sophia had an offer no mortal possibly could refuse. Lara should fetch the legendary Eightball before the end of the day from the middle of nowhere for her (to state the obvious, this trinket is your everyday age-old artefact; pumped from head to toe with flamboyant mythical powers which no doubt cause the destruction of the universe in the famous wrong hands, in addition to its impressive bread-slicing capabilities), as Sophia's bathroom lacking the item would surely make the decor there look half-arsed for tomorrow's virgin blood tasting guests. As if this reason wasn't grave enough for Lara to get her butt spelunking already, Sophia doubled up by declaring that she'll never ever solve jigsaw puzzles with Lara again should Sophia end up humiliated by cheeky remarks. Her ultimatum could not have come at a worse time. This nine-piece brain-teaser our heroine has been struggling with the past seven months isn't for the light-hearted, and it pains Lara to admit that cracking the nut without Sophia's superior intellect is as ridiculous a thought as vaccines not having mind-controlling nano-chips in 'em. So Lara prepares herself for another tiresome day at the office... however, embarking on a classic raid riding her gasoline-reeking motorbike and wearing her iconic attire is out of question, since those bloodthirsty climate change-supporting conspiracy theorists infesting the streets wouldn't exactly lay out the welcome mat to a vehicle gobbling some dinosaur-juice. But above all, the laundry containing the turquoise tank top and short-shorts won't be dry until bedtime, and Lara refuses to go anywhere sub-standardly clad. Great Caesar's ghost, what'd the neighbours think? 

The sun began to set already yet the beloved graverobber was still pondering how in cherished supreme common god Market Economy's name she'll ever get adventuring and look fabulous while doing so, until a bohemian Wolksvagen Kamper parked itself before Lara. Off the driver's seat hopped none other than John Tanner (he is the wheelman y'know) and this undercover detective figured the ultimate video gaming queen could help him out on a case. An environmental NGO had asked Tanner to look into a perplexing phenomenon; livestock is being abducted in the middle of nowhere to who knows what grotesque purposes. There are never any sightings... but before you know it, there's another animal missing. Tanner still managed to narrow down the hijacking suspect (at first he fell into the trap of thinking UFOs are behind it all, but because extraterrestrial beings aren't mentioned in the Holy Bible they cannot exist) to a black sedan sometimes seen near some uninteresting ruins - where also the Eightball supposedly resides. Areas without proper roads give Tanner the jitters and if Lara'd be up for investigating further he'd be very pleased. Hell, he even lets her lend his meticuously customised van which is fueled conveniently as well as eco-friendly with solid faith in the Old Nick thus guaranteeing neither any power shortage nor harm from those sabre-rattling know-all dimwits, let alone slip into Tanner's stylish "cowtfit" he's been lugging along. You wouldn't believe how handy (or spine-tinglingly suitable for Lara's delicate taste) these puffy rags are whilst trailblazing a thug amid a pack of cattle. As for our heroine, this deal is like getting two secrets with one crouch - not that some wimpy police work would take the cake in the destination.

Even though Lara naturally knows everything from every civilization which glory days are but a distant memory, some memory refreshment concerning the middle of nowhere wouldn't hurt. That's where Tanner's cornucopia of a dossier comes in. Since the location's ancient inhabitants didn't clearly pay their wireless networks & electrical dues before kicking the bucket, Lara copies the wheelman's intel into her notebook (it's really Werner's but please be nice and don't tell him) instead of a stupidphone. By now you've probably already realised this day and age unexplored tombs, palaces & whatnots paired with superb treasures have gone through massive inflation, and as a result mean jack to virtually everyone. One clever entrepreneur has even went and established a snack bar in this particular temple's vicinity - in somewhat vain hope of attracting those wayward rascals constantly playing in the ruins. On top of that every nook and cranny is mysteriously littered with ammunition, just like any other sanctuary Lara has ever conquered. Leading radio amateurs have studied this fascinating matter from the mid-90s, when time began, and have come to the conclusion that the supplies are provided by War Economy to keep tabs on humans' lucrative, endless and maniacal appetite of vulgarly displaying their power in form of violence entertainment. There are pitiful rumors claiming capitalism has taken an unsustainably crooked course but fret not, our cherished supreme common god - in all His infinite wisdom - has strictly ordered one and all of us to turn a blind eye upon such petty non-profit issues not greasing the wheels of His baby brother. Lara didn't order Tanner a lecture on philosophy, but he was just citing the latest message the tribe had published (dated 27 B.L., Before Lucifer) on their wall @ TweetBook before vanishing for eternity. In any case the gun cartridges there most likely serve no purpose at all as estimated opposition is slim to none. But just you wait for the ricochet.

Last but not least the helpful detective gives an insight on his precious automobile's fantastic features. Because of the patented 666-cylinder engine's torque power, it's stressed that Lara is to follow Tanner's instructions to the T. For instance one should steer well clear of the "Esc" and "Space" -lookalike buttons on the dashboard while en route. You see, those ester qwarks on the switches' circuitry added to the negative alleles the motor spews out (not to mention the Autopilot's positronic enzymes) just might rip the space-time continuum apart. Simply put to do so would be suicide. Pumping the "Jump"-pedal is ill-advised too, unless it is definitely needed. You've got to watch the paintwork after all. Heeding this, the tomb raider allows Tanner to have the little rest he asked at her sorry mansion while she's out - knowing full well the kitchen table tempting once again bypassers with delightfully crispy Creamy Raisin Cakes. But Lara is more than just a pretty face by narrow-minded western standards. After the last preposterous burglary of the forementioned delicacies, she now had prepared the raisins tad differently; causing possible hedonists to mouth kitchen pots and cauldrons about new needs to purchase and why to follow them on pointless internet spy-programs until the effect wears off. Thelia would roll in her grave if she was six feet under. However I'm sure she'd bid her blood relative godspeed now as Lara flicks Kamper's Autopilot on, heading out to the highway...

*Be the envy of your buddies by grabbing all 21 impossibly hidden secrets.
*You can drink your own saliva, but never spit it out.





~STORY~ (O Father O Satan O Sun!)

This doppelganger of you-know-what puts your "Lara-control", among other traits, to the premium. Never give up!

*Doesn't the sweet emotion of beating this game make up for the absence of secrets for you...?
*When you see a chance, take it!





~HOW TO PLAY~
For starters, run TOMBATI. It should open problem-free if your operating system is Windows 8 or newer.
If you get an error message saying "Invalid patch module", move the game folder to another directory (like your C: drive, for example) and try again. It fixes this problem at least on my computer.
In the main menu, select:
	-"New Game" if you want to play "Run of the Mill"
	-"Lara's Home" if you want to play "O Father O Satan O Sun!"
TOMBATI settings (found in "Patches"-folder) have been tweaked to better suit the level(s)'s quirks. As such, touching them could make the game experience a bit different. Of course this is not forbidden should you prefer wide-screen or such enhancements.
The levels have been tested and created with solely TOMBATI in mind for its wide customisation capabilities. Therefore running the game on DOSBOX (not included here) is not recommended; for example, items/levels will have wrong names, rendering playing more confusing.





~KNOWN ISSUES/BUGS~ (Run of the Mill)
The "sky" is, uh... experimental, minor visual glitches may occur from time to time.
In the starting area there's a falling bug when climbing the small muddy hill next to the van.
Enemies might behave interestingly when colliding with pushblocks.
Some effects disappear when they are set active, then saving the game, then loading it. Throwing the appropriate switch which controls them should do the repair trick.
If an opening looks large enough for Lara to pass but she stops in front of it as though it was a solid wall, jump through it. 
You'll hear R!OT GRRL's intro speech twice should you get pulverized by her - it's oddly fitting so it is hardly even a bug.
Again, don't you park Lara where a moving tall block is about to return!
Possibly due to the options provided in which order to pick up secrets, the counter in the end shows nearly always an incorrect amount of them. Despite several test attempts I was not able to fix this, and since this issue came to my knowledge fairly late in development, I've left it as it is. My apologies for the inconveinence. Better luck next time.
It is possible to easily cheat your way through the fiery maze with barely a hitch... but I trust you won't sink that low.





~COPYRIGHT~ (Run of the Mill)

It'd almost be easier to list what is NOT crafted entirely by my delicate hands:

R!OT GRRL voiceovers from "Rumble Roses"
Jeffry Hawkfield voiceovers from "Tomb Raider The Angel of Darkness"
Portraits from three different games appear on Green Slime - can you name them?
Lara voiceovers re-edited from the original 1996 game
Worm sounds from "Civilization II: Test of Time" & "Toy Story 2: Buzz Lightyear to the Rescue!"
Possessed Statue sounds from "Civilization II: Test of Time"
Door- and pushblock sounds edited from royalty-free sound effect library stuff
Fire, falling, flying flies and impaling sounds from "Stronghold Crusader" & "Civilization II: Test of Time"

Audio not mentioned here are either my own recordings or the game's original sounds.

About music - similar to the earlier runaway hit "Zeitgeist", music is composed and performed by me; bass guitar and ukulele being real instruments and percussion is arranged using Soundation. All recorded lovingly with equipment not designed for music recordings, then the "tapes" were caringly worsened during mixing for that adorable blurry sound. All sound effects are mangled through Drobridski Studios as well.

Textures are Drobridski Photography, combined with hand-made illustrations and digital picture editing. Modified 3D objects too are my doing, now that I've extended my repertoire to there as well.

The work of Ron Asheton, Niagara, Robert Halford, Terence Butler and Ronald James Padavona have all provided some inspiration to the development of this level.





~KNOWN ISSUES/BUGS~ (O Father O Satan O Sun!)
You'll enjoy both improved situational awareness and aesthetics should you contain your overwhelming desire of pressing the "Look"-button.
On rare occassions a ghost may get "stuck" inside a wall. Seize this opportunity...





~COPYRIGHT~ (O Father O Satan O Sun!)

The visuals are obviously inspired by a rather well-known video game. The music and sound effects are from "Altered Beast"; they've been used here for entertainment purposes and I definitely get no income from their public showcasing. Darn, that'd be against everything I live for.

Textures are Drobridski Illustrations, with the exceptions of the portraits. The first of them is from "Beyond Good & Evil", the second from "Rumble Roses", the third is from... where?